Begin Again
by dream-maker016
Summary: His best friend's arm was still tight around his shoulders, and Sirius was still smiling. And Sirius had his head thrown back laughing like a little kid, and James had never seen anything that gorgeous. It almost took him off guard for a second, seeing someone find him that funny. Maybe he was spending too much time with Lily. Loosely based off Taylor Swift's Begin Again. J/S


James took a deep breath, staring into the mirror in front of him. He raised a hand to his hair, attempting to flatten it. He thought about what this would look like if any of his friends were to walk in right now- James Potter, trying to tame his hair rather than screw it up further? Unheard of.

That is, unheard of until Lily Evans. That beautiful redhead that made his mind go fuzzy until the first day of their seventh year. That day when Lily decided that yes, she really did want him.

Looking back nearly eight months later, he wasn't sure if that was a good thing anymore.

James also wasn't sure whether Lily had wanted him, or the James Potter he could be. The James Potter his father wanted him to be. The James Potter he'd tried to be every time Lily was around, even as he messed up his hair and called her 'Evans' and hexed Snivellus to the ground- or the air, rather.

His hair was a lost cause. He gave up on that front, instead retreating back to his dormitory and placing his headphones over his ears. He closed his eyes and attempted not to think of the relationship that was still going strong as ever, yet he couldn't help but feel as if it was falling apart in his mind. Instead he just closed his eyes, and didn't even notice when the door opened.

James did notice, however, when he felt breath on his cheek and opened his eyes to see Sirius about an inch away from him and listening intently to the music he was sure was blaring from his headphones. His breath caught and stayed like that when Sirius gave a little nod to himself before pulling away and unplugging the cord to James's music player.

"I love this song! What are you doing, mate? You never use headphones." Sirius's usual wolfish grin might've looked near worried to James if the boy in question hadn't rolled his eyes and turned the music up. James shrugged.

"I… I dunno. Lily doesn't like this music." Suddenly, Sirius's face darkened, and he stopped his playful swaying. He sighed, flipping his hair to the side in a move that was as natural for Sirius as messing up his hair was for James.

"Yeah, well Lily isn't here, is she? Merlin, James, what is she doing to you?"

"She's not doing anything!" James retorted, immediately getting defensive. Sirius stared at him in disbelief before shaking his head.

"Listen to yourself, mate. And what's wrong with your hair?" He exclaimed, reaching out and mussing it up the way James liked it. James shooed his hand away, falling back on the bed.

"Hey! D'you know how long it took to get it like this?" James shot at him, hands immediately going up to fix it. Sirius took a step back and shot him a scathing look before turning away. "Where are you going?"

"To find Remus. At least I know he's still my friend."

"I am your friend, Padfoot! I'm your best friend!" James exclaimed with disbelief, leaping to his feet.

Sirius looked over him for a long while before shaking his head. "I don't even know you."

James sank back onto the bed, putting his head in his hands. "I've been chasing her the past five years of my life, Sirius. I've finally got her, and what? I give her up just because she's not as wonderful as I expected?"

There was a hesitant pause before footsteps were heard making their way across the room. Another person's weight sank onto the bed, and James felt a hand on his shoulder. "Are you happy?"

"No."

James hated the way he didn't even have to think about it. Tears came to his eyes, and before long he was sobbing on his best friend's shoulder. Sirius had his arms around him protectively, and James managed a weak grin at the situation. "This is ridiculous. I'm seventeen years old, technically a man now- what is wrong with me?"

"Doesn't matter how old you are, Prongs. I've been asking that question for nearly seven years now, I still don't have an answer." He heard the smile in Sirius's voice at the retort. James burrowed deeper into the embrace, hiding his own grin.

"Why aren't you still mad at me?"

"We made a promise once, remember? That we would never let a girl come between us. And even if this might not be quite the way we both imagined when we agreed on it… I'll stand by that." Sirius reminded him. He then hauled James to his feet with a grin. "Now come on. Let's go find Moony for real, and you can stop moping about."

…

James arrived behind the statue of the one-eyed witch with his invisibility cloak in toe at precisely eight o'clock, the time they'd agreed on. Sirius wasn't there. They would've just came together, of course, but James was eating dinner with Lily and her friends that day. Sirius couldn't understand why he did, said it looked like all they ever did was make fun of him.

Sirius was right.

Five minutes after eight, Sirius walked in casually with his usual easy grin. He raised an eyebrow. "Why do you look so surprised?"

"You're late." James pointed out. Sirius squinted at him, looking confused, and tapped his head.

"You okay in there, Prongs? I'm _always_ late." Sirius reminded him, and James looked down.

"Right." Sirius gave him a look but didn't comment as they made to go through the passage.

James wouldn't have answered anyway. His mind was preoccupied with Lily, and the image of her raising an eyebrow over her beautiful green eyes even as he arrived at a predetermined meeting perfectly on time. Then she'd tell him that she had already been waiting for five minutes. He'd deflate a bit, run a hand over his hair and take her hand in his. She'd just smile and tell him not to worry, that he was perfectly on time, but somehow always managed to make him feel like he'd done something wrong anyway.

As they walked down the passage, Sirius was regaling him with tales of what he'd missed with Remus and Peter during dinner, quite a few that had him doubled over laughing as they went. When he'd finished, James began telling a joke he'd overhead a few days previous, but Sirius was watching him with a strange expression on his face.

When James finished, Sirius laughed, so he didn't notice anything off until he saw the look the other boy was giving him. He ran a hand over his hair self consciously, asking, "What?"

Sirius said nothing at first, only reaching out to mess up James's hair again. James didn't comment but grinned appreciatively, glad his friend had caught that.

"You just seemed… timid, almost. That's not like you. You were telling a joke, for Merlin's sake!" Sirius exclaimed, and James felt himself flush.

"I suppose its just… well, I'm not used to… Lily doesn't like those kinds of jokes." He admitted, and even in the dim lighting he could make out Sirius's expression darken as he turned to look ahead of him then.

"You spend way too much time with that witch."

"Sirius…" James trailed off, half guilty and half warning.

"I said witch, didn't I?"

…

James sat in Madame Puddifoot's Teashop, staring at the girl across from him.

Her eyes were lit up, her hair pulled away from her face in the prettiest way as she animatedly told him a story. She looked gorgeous, and happy, and as she relayed her story he remembered why he'd fallen for her in the first place.

But he didn't do it again. He couldn't, not even if he wanted to (and he didn't, trust to that). His heart wasn't even his to give away anymore.

She'd finished her story, and he smiled, making the necessary comments. The grin faded from her face as she searched his eyes.

"Lily…" He started but he couldn't find the words. She sat up straighter and reached for his hand. He made to pull away, but she didn't let him.

"This is it, then?" She asked. James stared at her in shock.

"How did you-"

"You haven't been happy these past few months, James, I could see it in your eyes. I didn't want to end it because, well, I wanted you to come to terms with it. I didn't want to have you just go back to pining after me like you have been for the past six years." Lily grinned teasingly at him, but blushed slightly nonetheless.

"I just… you're really the sweetest girl, Lils, and I couldn't imagine letting this go." James confessed. Lily raised an eyebrow.

"What, though? Neither of our hearts have really been in this for awhile now, James. What really made your decision?" She questioned. James looked down at the table before running a hand through his hair. He played with it a little, messing it up, and shook it back out of his face with a grin.

"Sirius. He kept telling me that I was changing. That I'd stopped with all my crazy habits and that… once he even told me I was behaving myself." James shuddered, and Lily shuddered.

"Yeah, well Sirius isn't the best judge of that is he? And I'm sorry, that I might've… sometimes I just can't help pushing stuff like that on people! Sev told me that all the time." Lily said with an eye roll, and James couldn't hold his own back at the mention of Snivellus. Lily studied him carefully.

"And that was the only thing about Sirius that changed your mind?" She wondered, and James knew then that she knew.

"No. Lately I've… I keep comparing you to him, Lils. And you… you don't win." James admitted apologetically. Lily nodded, smiling softly.

"You know what you have to do now then?" She questioned, standing up.

"Find Sirius." James nodded, fishing in his pockets for money. Lily moved past him, planting a kiss on his head and whispering in his ear to look behind him. James turned in his seat, seeing Sirius outside leaning against the wall of the teashop looking bored out of his mind. He opened the door when he saw Lily leaving, holding it for her and greeting her politely.

"'Ello, Prongs! That ended earlier than I expected. I was prepared to wait all day." Sirius greeted him enthusiastically, collapsing into the seat that Lily had just been in. James nodded quietly, still a bit shocked from the sudden turn of events.

"Why'd you wait?" He asked.

"Ah, Remus is babysitting Peter in Honeydukes. I already got my fill, and some for you as well, and I was bored sitting around." Sirius explained with a small smile, lifting his shoulders into a shrug that was effortlessly beautiful and so very him.

"I ended it." James told him. Sirius shot up, the handsomely bored expression on his face dissolving into shock.

"Are you serious?" James nodded, then shook his head.

"Or maybe she did. I don't know. It was a mutual decision, I suppose." James shrugged, knowing it couldn't have looked nearly as good as Sirius had minutes before, and ran a hand through his hair. He just caught the broad grin on Sirius face after his best friend had seen the motion.

"Right, well let's get out of here then. You'll have to tell me about it." Sirius said, casting a withering look at their surroundings. James laughed, throwing some money on the table and following his friend as Sirius nearly sprinted for the door.

They walked down the lane back to Hogwarts in a comfortable silence, until they stopped and moved down a small offshoot. Sirius flung an arm around James's shoulders and cast him a searching look.

"So? What made up your mind?"

"You, mate. It was all your constant nagging that finally made me decide to toss away this gorgeous girl just to shut you up." James said as seriously as he could muster. He turned his eyes to the side to see Sirius's response.

His best friend's arm was still tight around his shoulders, and Sirius was still smiling. And Sirius had his head thrown back laughing like a little kid, and James had never seen _anything_ that gorgeous. It almost took him off guard for a second, seeing someone find him that funny. And then he realized maybe he _had _been spending a bit too much time with Lily.

"There's the James I know and love. For real, though, Jamie, what did it?" He asked, releasing James and spinning around to stand in front of him.

James didn't have an answer. He just watched the grin that stretched across Sirius's face and followed the spark dancing through his eyes. He leaned in and kissed him hard, his hands catching his best friend- his goddamn best friend, oh Merlin what was he doing- around the waist as he threw caution away (when had James Potter ever been cautious, anyway?).

He thought about the last eight months, how he'd thought it was love. How all love ever did was burn him. Maybe he'd been right, in a way. Because this, standing with his best friend on a warm spring day, wrapped up in him with Sirius's lips pressed against his own, this was love. And right now, an entirely different kind of burn was spreading through him. It was from an entirely different kind of love than the one he'd thought he'd had with Lily, instead being an unknown love he'd given his heart to when he was eleven years old and sold his soul to sometime between then now. And right now, it was beginning again.

Sirius was the one to pull back, his trademark grin firmly in place, albeit a little breathless. He didn't move from the circle of James's arms that had somehow found their way around his waist, and if anything tightened his own that encircled James. For a brief second James felt uneasy for his reaction, but all Sirius did was laugh loudly.

And then he shouted "FINALLY!" for the world to hear, leaned back in, and kissed him senseless.


End file.
